Let the Games Begin - Terrance Joseph Kosikar - Final Chapter

* OUR WORK IS DONE .. GOODBYE CANADA ** ( sad face )
Now boarding flight LH937 back to Germany, to finish writing the final Chapter of my book ..“Let the Games Begin”.
Nearly 2 years ago, I recall sitting under my gazebo a broken man, not a penny to my name, I had lost everything, my family, my friends, my career, my sanity, as I had just climbed down off the Lions Gate bridge from my 3rd and final attempt at trying to end my life only days earlier.

I looked up into the universe for my strength, as it was obvious to me that I still had work to do on this earth as a human, ending my life was NOT an option any longer.
Time to get my ass in gear, and take the many, many years of trying to survive (uneducated) with a wound that was not visible #PTSD, but yet quite vivid in my every day life, my mind, my shattered spirit, my every heartbeat bled nothing but nervousness, stress, depression, anxiety and a deeper depth of darkness than words will ever describe.
It had taken a few weeks, and a lot of hard work to battle though my usual, ever so easy to escape, self medication tool – drugs, and its brutal withdrawals to realize, that it was simply my environment that kept me from getting better and getting the help that I needed not only from within – from from a much higher power.
I sat one morning after my meditation as it dawned on me that , maybe I should write a book , and the answers to my destiny will soon fall into place?
Was I prepared to have a very large X on my back for the rest of my life for writing this book?
Absolutely was, after 3 suicide attempts, I had nothing more to loose and felt in my heart that all I had endured had to be shared to help myself heal and help those who may also be trying to survive the same life I had led for so long shackled in chains, and waking each day to the same nightmare, the same vicious cycle that often leads us to the end of our ropes or even worse, self tourcher consuming all the meds and street drugs self medicating our wounds – numbing our minds – further separating our spirit from ourselves.
I had called a publishing company 2 years ago asking for a grant to write my book.
They said to me, I needed to give them my first chapter, middle chapter and my final chapter edited and book ready and they would consider giving me a grant..
I banged out my first chapter, middle chapter and got to the final chapter and thought, when I do release this book , and maybe end up shot one day because of it, is this how I want my book or the movie to end…with only a simple story of how I escaped the grasps of evil, a life riddled with addiction, heartache, and loss, as I ran off into the mountains and got my life back, naturally ?
I asked myself , if I had went to watch this movie or read this book i’d want my dam money back , how lame , after all that I had endured in life, THIS IS HOW IT ENDS ..this is my final chapter?
So, I slammed the pages down, stood up strong, proud, and looked up into the universe, thankful, grateful for my life today , and said to myself, I have a opportunity today to make the BEST DAM final chapter to my own book, I am in control of my destiny, I have a gift of life today that is not governed by laws, rules, or judgements from anybody.
I AM FREE, and strong today, as are YOU, to do what I, or we wish to do with our lives and to live my own dream, to chase my own goals, to do as I wish today for ME, and the desire to simply help, and educate as many people as possible who may still be suffering in silence, and the selfless need to connect with those people and offer support, love, compassion, along with healthy natural tools that we can all use to heal, and enjoy our life today one day at a time.
The training began, and all my dreams and goals went straight onto the pages, I had found my purpose – something to drive for, the need to help others get their lives back the same way I did, Naturally, but how was I going to do this ?
I had not a penny to my name, and had no idea how to use the internet, my tires on jeep were bald as, and I was 100’s of kms away from people, without food, no heat, but I did have a dream and I focused on it.
I could NOT change yesterday, and tomorrow wasn’t here yet, so I had no choice but to LIVE IN THE NOW – Lebe das Jetzt !
Now, 2 years later I’m off to #Germany, to spend the next few months, excited to be writing the final chapter many dreams and goals that I never thought were possible, until I just set both feet firmly onto the ground, believed in myself, and took one small step after the other, never allowing anything to get in the way – NOTHING
I assure you, after these past 2 years, of just reaching out, asking for help, admitting and accepting to myself for me and turing all of my downfalls into strengths, and forgive those who I feel may have done me wrong over time, have learned one thing for sure…this is NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER , but rather only just the beginning, and have really learned that , there is a lot more support from so many people out there – we just have to be #humble, set our #ego aside, let our guard down and ask for it.
BE REAL WITH YOURSELF, AND TO THOSE WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH.
IT’S NOT WEAK to SPEAK #itsnotweaktospeak
Without the genuine support, and #compassion from so many, (YOU) I’d still be sitting in the middle of the backcountry mountains with NOTHING.
You have a dream, and a goal also .. I know you do, we all do -THEN GO FOR IT – #NO #EXCUSES – anything is possible as long we can be stronger than our worst enemy – our minds – drive with your heart and soul and you will never be defeated.
The secret = $0.00
Connect truly with others from your heart,
#Believe in yourself.. and #LOVE YOURSELF
Thank you, to all of you, who have believed in me, and have helped support my dreams and goals, none of this would be possible without YOU –
Be sure to join us this Feb 12, 2017, as we are declaring it now .. NATIONAL PTSD AWARENESS DAY, Because we can, and JUST DID !!
instagram _breakingthechainsbc_
twitter @BreakingTCBC
website www.breakingthechainsbc.com
facebook Terrance Joseph Kosikar

My Hotel Sponsor Caught Me Stealing ..ya gotta do what ya gotta do

My hotel sponsor CAUGHT ME STEALING,

I feel horrible, but ya just gotta do what ya gotta do to raise awareness to #ptsd.
General Manager, Tony Medd of the Summit Lodge Boutique Hotel, tells his side of the story.
Only 6 weeks after coming down of the Lions Gate Bridge, I had a dream, and a goal.
My dream, to run a camp for first responders who suffer with PTSD, and a goal, to raise awareness to PTSD.
In order to make the dream and my goal a reality, I needed to learn how to use the internet.Keep in mind I was 200 kms away from any humans, a place where internet just did not even exist.
Jan/ early Feb 2015, I had made my way into Whistler, and started grinding away at my goals.
I was only 6 weeks into my opiate and other substance withdrawals, and didn’t have a penny to my name and had just picked up 2 bags of food from the local Food Bank.
NOTHING was going to stop me from fulfilling this dream now that I had another chance at life.
I had spent the first few days outside the Blendz coffee shop poaching the internet from 11 pm till about 5 am ..everyday freezing cold, fingers numb, hungary and homeless.
After a few 22 hour days, I found it a real pain in the ass sitting outside in the freezing cold and I walked across the street one morning to use the bathroom at the Summit Lodge Hotel.While I was in the bathroom I was like …AWWW DAM it sure is nice n warm in here.
I now found my new office, the bathroom floor beside the urinals, Didn’t bother me , as only a few weeks earlier i was trying to survive in the alleyways down on E.Hastings,the bowels of Vancouver.
Pffft , bathroom floors…LUXURY.
Now, I had noticed that every time I stepped outside to have a cigarette , I saw that nobody was at the front desk.
A thought crossed my mind as I looked over through the lobby at the big warm welcoming fireplace and super rad comfy couch , with big ol pillows.Sure would be nice to set up shop there.Certainly better than the floors in the pisser.
I rolled the dice , and set my computer up night after night, everyday until the first hotel customer had came down off the elevator for coffee.I even went so far as to bring my own tea lights and candles.
I’ll never forget the feeling in my gut when something came over me and thought, maybe I should write the GM and ask him to help sponsor me and allow me to have a room for one night per week in order for me to at least have a quik nap in a bed, and a shower once per week.
Remember, in those days I was homeless in Whistler, and was only napping 3 hrs every morning per day for weeks.
Us addicts will go to any length to get what we need, no mountain is to HIGH, no law is to stiff, no penalty would ever stop us from getting from a-b.
I sent Tony Medd an email and , he responded with a email politely asking me to not return to the hotel again.
My heart was broken.
All I could think and feel was, even after 5 long years of suffering with PTSD, the loss of my family of 13 years, my careers, my friends and numerous denials from WCB..now I get yet another door slammed in my face and what did I do to deserve this way of life for so long?
When would i ever get a break?
The thoughts of giving up crossed my mind for about 3 seconds, and I looked up into the universe and smiled.I knew I had a purpose on this earth and I was simply NOT IN CONTROL of it at all, and this was just the way it was meant to be.
So I left the hotel back out into the brittle cold to keep driving from my heart at my goals and dreams.
Thanks to my higher power and beautiful destiny, Tonys initial judgment of me was changed within hours and next thing ya know i found myself eating at a 5 star restaurant and given a executive king size suite 3 days a week for as long as i needed to get the work done.
Now, nearly 2 years later, I still have my room here at the Summit Lodge, and am proud to say that we started www.campmyway.com last summer and to date have almost made 1 million views through our social media / websites, instagram, twitter , CTV NEWS, Global News, every news paper from Canada to Germany and we are now helping change the workers compensation law to help other First Responders who suffer with PTSD get the help they need upon request, without years of suffering and or facing the horrific thoughts of leaving there friends and families behind from takin their own life.
The success to these last 2 years of hard work in raising awareness to PTSD , is only possible because of one of our first sponsors Tony Medd at the Summit Lodge Boutique in Whistler.
None of this would be possible if it weren’t for Tonys genuine compassion and for believing in me.
I will admit , these last few days have been pretty stressful for me as I can’t possibly tell you all in a facebook post or quik video just how grateful I am to Tony and all the staff here at the Summit Lodge.
I will ask you now though, please help me show Tony the support he deserves by voting Summit Lodge to win for the 3 year in a row to be Canada’s #1 Ski Hotel by clicking the link below you can vote now.
http://worldskiawards.com/…/summit-lodge-boutique-hotel-2016

NDP/MLA Shane Simpson shackled in Chains - PTSD / Mental Health Awareness

My new Friend Mr.Shane Simpson, a member of the legislative assembly, joined us last week to help help us flip our tire while shackled in chains to raise awareness to PTSD and support those suffering with mental illness.

watch vid

shane sit ups

I'M NO LONGER AFRAID ...

This post brings many tears to my eyes …

3 weeks ago while I was in Victoria, I had received an email from a man, thanking the Breaking the Chains BC team for helping save his life during a PTSD Awareness event we had just completed only 2 days prior.

I asked the man to please call me ASAP, and gave him my phone number.
Within minutes, I answered the call from a man named Rand Vance.

He explained that his life had been pretty rough over the years, since a young age (will not get into details in this post) and this was a special day for him because he was handed one of our flyers from one of our very dedicated PTSD WARRIORS.

He looked up our website and learned more about what we we’re doing to help support those who suffer in silence and are living with Post Traumatic Stress. He went through many of our past videos and was very inspired by our message, and felt he was NOT ALONE, and could reach out to us.

So he did.

After hearing Rand Vance story, it had touched my heart so much, that we at Breaking the Chains BC decided that day to do ANOTHER #PTSD / #mentalhealth program for Aug 20th (this past weekend).

Now the second best part of the story, I had opened my facebook the next day to see that Rand had taken it upon himself to start doing the #22pushupchallange and help raise awareness to the 22 soldiers who die by suicide in America each day who suffer with PTSD.

I had watched his video of day one, trying to do his 22 push ups ..and it brought so many tears to my eyes, after hearing his life story and here he was now raising awareness himself to PTSD and dong his best to do so …upon watching him struggle and bang out 14 of his 22 push-ups ..that was the best he could do …it confirmed my personal belief that ..I had now found MY HERO.

I gave him my word on the phone a few days earlier that we would meet in person and we would do another PTSD awareness program on Aug 20th.

Now the best part, Rand Vance shows up 1 hour early on Aug 20th and tells me he doesn’t feel comfortable in crowds and that he’s afraid of being in large groups.

I explained to him as the bus loads of warriors showed up, that WE ARE ALL THERE TO SUPPORT each other and connect together.

Rand, still explained to me that he was not comfortable with so many people around him. I put my paw on his shoulder, looked him in he eyes, and assured him ..he is safe, and in good hands as I looked up to the universe above and smiled.

The video you’re about to watch says it all, as I have no words that will ever describe how it feels to have watched Rand lead over 70 Warriors doing 22 push ups to raise awareness to the 22 soldiers who die by suicide each day in America.

Thank you Rand Vance, you Sir are not only MY HERO, but a huge inspiration to all.

Global News coverage from our event this weekend

Here’s just the beginning of this weekend’s huge success from the Breaking the Chains BC team of volunteers who came down to help us raise awareness to PTSD and support those with Mental Illness .

stay tuned all week for the amazing story ..

LETS HEAL TOGETHER, AND HELP BREAK THE CHAINS OF SILENCE / PTSD

This is the first time in Breaking the Chains BC history where we finally have a team of professional editors, producers on board to have created this amazing first step in our future documentary.

this video speaks for itself in many ways – Thank you for your time and helping us Share this next event .

BEYOND THE CALL - Vancouver Police helping us raise awareness to PTSD

Today, 3 very special Vancouver Police Officers helped us flip our tire a few more KMs to help raise awareness to PTSD, and inform the public of our petition they can help sign that will give all British Columbian First Responders the help they need upon asking for it.

Instead of the years and YEARS of suffering from denial after denial from WCB.

Just last week , 2 more Police Officers ended their lives with their own service revolver.

see petition on home page –

heres your vid

PTSD and Suicide

Not every call ends when the paperwork is filed. PTSD is far more rampant in law enforcement than anyone is really willing to discuss.

PTSD statistics for law enforcement officers are hard to obtain, but range from 4-14%. The discrepancy in this range may be due to underreporting. Living through a traumatic event is hard enough for an officer, admitting that you are having problems related to that event is even harder. There are an estimated 150,000 officers who have symptoms of PTSD. Actually, recent research indicates that 1/3 of active-duty and retired officers suffer from post-traumatic stress; but most don’t even realize it. Law enforcement officers are also at a much higher rate of developing a cumulative form of PTSD related to their exposure to multiple traumatic events. For every police suicide, almost 1,000 officers continue to work while suffering the painful symptoms of PTSD.

Suicide Warning Signs

The officer is talking about suicide or death, and even glorifying death.
Officer is giving direct verbal cues such as “I wish I were dead” and “I am going to end it all.”
Officer is giving less direct verbal cues, such as “What’s the point of living?”, “Soon you won’t have to worry about me,” and “Who cares if I’m dead, anyway?”
The officer is self-isolating from friends and family.
The officer is expressing the belief that life is meaningless or hopeless.
The officer starts giving away cherished possessions.
The officer is exhibiting a sudden and unexplained improvement in mood after being depressed or withdrawn.
The officer is neglecting his/her appearance and hygiene.
The officer is annoyed that they are going to do something that will ruin his/her career, but that they don’t care.
Officer openly discusses that he/she feels out of control.
The officer displays behavior changes that include appearing hostile, blaming, argumentative, and insubordinate or they appear passive, defeated, and hopeless.
The officer develops a morbid interest in suicide or homicide.
The officer indicates that he/she is overwhelmed and cannot find solutions to his/her problems.
The officer asks another officer to keep his/her weapon.
The officer is acting out of character by inappropriately using or displaying his/her weapon unnecessarily.
The officer exhibits reckless behavior by taking unnecessary risks on the job and/or in his/her personal lives. The officer acts like he/she has a death wish.
The officer carries weapons in a reckless, unsafe manner.
The officer exhibits deteriorating job performance.
The officer has recent issues with alcohol and/or drugs.

Act Now

It is important for law enforcement leaders to identify these warning signs to establish a profile of potential at-risk officers and proactively intervene by providing mental health resources and departmental support. If you, as an officer, have noticed one or more of the above behaviors in a colleague, do something now. Ask the officer what is going on in his/her life. Ask if they are okay and how he/she is handling a current stressor. Ask them if they feel depressed, and ask them about suicidal thoughts. Help them get the help they need before they take a life – their own. If they won’t seek help on their own go to a trusted supervisor with your concerns. Yes, this is one situation where you may have to break the code of silence. If something is still not being done, go to someone else: the chaplain, your union representative, the department clinician. You are willing to go to any lengths for an officer who needs assistance on a call; you are willing to risk your life for him at every scene. Do something today to prevent the loss of an officer by his or her own hands.

If you are an officer who is hurting and contemplating suicide, reach out now. There are many people who really do care about you, who really do want to help you, who don’t want to attend your funeral. Seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. It is the first step in reestablishing control in your life. Always remember when there is life there is hope.

Respectfully –

Terrance Joseph Kosikar

CTV NEWS / PTSD AWARENESS - Addiction, and Alcohol Recovery - Together We Can

Watch now – todays CTV news coverage live in English Bay, raising awareness to PTSD / Presumption of Illness petition.

click here

Terrance Joseph Kosikars heart rate went up, anxiety levels kicked in full throttle, just before speaking to over 40 men, at the Together We Can Drug and Alcohol Recovery and Education Society yesterday morning.
Kosikar says, “He was so nervous and stressed out due to his insecurities of speaking to more than 4 people at one time.
He felt maybe the people that were listening would get up and walk out of the room, as he knows most of his life people laugh at him behind his back and always says he talks to much.
He sat in a small room, lights off, doing a few breathing exercises to bring his heart rate and mind to a slowed pace, before looking up to his higher power for the strength and confidence to get up and try and inspire and motivate over 40 TRUE WARRIORS who were living in a recovery house taking the proper 1st steps to get there life back on track.
As the room filled , one after another , each man took his seat.
Kosikar says, ” the room just kept filling up, one man after the next, as each warrior took his seat.With each one that sat , Kosikar smiled and knew that his 30 years of suffering was all training JUST FOR THIS MOMENT.
This is his destiny.
As he stood up and introduced himself, Kosikar started making excuses in his mind as to how quik he could get this over with.
7 minutes ?
maybe 10 minutes max before the first man gets up and walks out.
“Hey guys, my Friends call me Terrance, and I AM PROUD TO BE A ADDICT”
Kosikar happily reports that, these true warriors of Together We Can – Addiction Recovery & Education Society, made him feel so comfortable, so welcomed , so appreciated, that he ended up speaking for 57 minutes.
Kosikar says, ” I’m just a farmer, planting seeds of hope and inspiration.
At the end of his talk, he asked these men to please join him in English Bay the following day to help support him, and help those who are suffering in silence and show those who may be living with mental health conditions, addictions or maybe abusing alcohol, ( all signs and symptoms of PTSD , that they are NOT ALONE.
11 am today, bus load, after bus load, had dropped off over 40 of the strongest warriors from TWC, who are in their early stages of recovery , all came out wearing TWC shirts to support Terrance Joseph Kosikar, and help him flip his tire , and enjoy living in the moment, one step, one flip, one day at a time and help bring more awareness to PTSD and try and help inspire and motive those who maybe be looking for help themselves.
Kosikar, sits in his hotel room now, with many happy tears rolling down his face and he feels he has made a few new Brothers/ Friends in his life.
This is by far, Kosikars most precious , happiest , most memorable moment since coming down off the Lions Gate bridge last year from his last attempted suicide.
If you or anyone you know may feel you need someone to talk with , please reach out and call Together We Can – 604- 451- 9854
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
“TOGETHER WE CAN , Break the Chains of Silence”